adolescence ..

such an emotional bridge she seems to have crossed.    this, now, having finally arrived here, to be captured in a moment of reflection that such a thing--such a life-transforming thing--could have first asserted itself, then left her, island-abandoned, to contemplate this change on her own, this newness, this different self.  A simple baby for years.  Playful, precocious, unaware.  and now,  at once utterly alone and totally self conscious, it's as if she just woke up from a long life-nap.  the simultaneous desire to be left alone in it, punctuated by the exhilaration at just being seen, first by anyone who might perceive her internals, and then, a bit later, by someone so pleasing and confusing to be seen by.  "What does this mean...?   ...and what I am to do with it...? "  near trauma....nearly numb from these thoughts, life is actually starting to happen.